A Glimmer

Hope is a glimmer of sunlight in the midst of a storm.

It doesn’t bring promise of immediate change

And it cannot promise you when it will get better

But it reminds you that the storm cannot last forever.

It was a dark place I was living in.

‘If life is this uncomfortable, this difficult, how do I keep going?’

was my thought process.

It terrified me.

Nothing felt like me.

I was unable to see any good.

I was isolated.

My “home” felt like a torture chamber,

a reminder of my loneliness and dissatisfaction and restlessness,

My relationship and the life I had imagined was shattered,

And my job was a dead end.

I was left to pick up the pieces but had no idea where to start,

No clue what I wanted or what direction to start in.

For a long time, I woke up to face each day completely hopeless,

Gripped by fear of what this life had become

from the moment I took my first conscious breath of the day,

until I could quiet the fears enough to fall asleep.

For months I prayed prayers I was convinced weren’t heard

But for some reason,

I kept crying out.

I didn’t know how to piece life back together or what I even wanted.

All I knew was that I needed a change.

I put in notice to quit my job

And informed my apartment complex I would be terminating my lease.

I didn’t know what the next move would be,

despite endless prayers asking for guidance,

but I pushed on

eventually realizing that making a decision was the only way to make a change,

even if it proved to be the wrong decision.

I had no way to go but up.

Anything would be better than where I found myself.

I thought long and hard about what I wanted.

Mountains, running, skiing — that was the criteria.

I considered life in Bend, OR or Bishop, CA.

I could see it yet it didn’t feel right.

There was no excitement, only more fear.

Then my glimmer of hope came.

I was looking at a list of travel PT jobs

Researching the proximity of each town to either the mountains or the ocean

When it jumped out at me.

Sports Medicine in the big city.

For the first time in nearly a year

My heart skipped a beat.

Maybe this was the next adventure.

I was scared, under-qualified,

and yet somehow that made me certain it was right for me.

Maybe this was hope for a better life

And an end to the agony.

I scheduled a phone interview

And managed to charm my way through it.

Despite a lack of experience with the patient population,

They chose to give me an opportunity.

This was my first sign of hope.

I packed up, moved, and started a new job.

It was exciting

Yet I was filled with discomfort.

I battled with imposter syndrome

And the loneliness followed me.

But a community began to grow around me.

I was welcomed into a work family

And friendships began to spring up.

Slowly I began to shed the discomfort and pain like an old skin I was outgrowing

Until I found myself in a life that was perfect for me

But could never have dreamed for myself.

And in that I found hope.

God had been plotting all along

and piecing together a story better than anything I could have schemed up myself.

Now this temporary travel job has turned into a permanent job offer

and I live amidst unreal beauty (see pictures posted)

that reminds me of the goodness of God.

On both the good days and the challenging days,

I whisper a prayer of thankfulness

For the blessing of a new life and the hope for continued goodness

And the storm that gave way to the sunshine and blue skies.

Hope is twofold.

Hope is the goodness we find in the struggle that keeps us going.

Hope is also the pain we have experienced

but have overcome

that shows us we are strong enough to, yet again, overcome.

If I didn’t know it before,

I am now more confident that

God is with me

And that I am strong enough to overcome

Chantal Williams recently graduated from Andrews University as a doctor of physical therapy, and has been involved with Enspire Productions since 2011.

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