Wrestling with God: Part 2
Enspire Productions was given the opportunity to minister to hundreds of young adults a few years ago during the General Conference. I, along with a few of our Enspire members, performed The Journey: A Quest of Faith, as part of the Young Adult program. Being a seasoned actor and being a part of an amazing cast and crew, my mind began to fill with thoughts of how “great” and “amazing” I was. I thrived in my role as the beautiful princess who lost her home and was reluctantly on a quest to find the fabled land of Neavaeh. Along the journey, my character, Callisto, allowed her love of the world to eventually lead her towards choosing darkness. I resonated with her and could relate to her on so many levels that I allowed her character to completely consume me.
It was the last night of our performance when I wrestled with God. Callisto, along with other characters that chose the darkness, had their final scene, the denial and crucifixion of Christ. After screaming at “Essiah,” the representation of Christ, I began to feel a sick joy and relished in yelling at him, beginning to believe everything I was saying. As our characters began to “strike” him, I completely became consumed in hitting him, hearing the sound of my hand pound against his back, laughing and losing myself in Callisto.
As we walked off the stage, something happened that forever changed my life. I fell and severely injured my ankle, having to drag my body across the floor until I could get behind a curtain out of the view of the audience.
After a diagnosis of a severe contusion and being unable to walk without crutches or a boot for months, reacting poorly to the medication, many nights of sleeplessness, and to this day being unable to bend my knee and ankle the way I used to, I am reminded of the story of Jacob wrestling with God. Jacob wrestled with God and left with a reminder of their meeting for the rest of his life with an injury to his hip. God touched his hip and he limped for the rest of his life.
My ankle hurts when the weather gets cold, when I stand for too long, and just about every time I attempt to do any physical activity. I am constantly reminded of the moment I allowed myself to succumb in a moment of weakness. With the pain that still haunts me to this day, I am humbled. He has left a physical reminder on me that I am grateful of having. Have you wrestled with God? What reminder of his existence has he left in your life?
Alejandra Rodriguez Clark is an elementary school teacher and currently resides in McAllen, Texas.