I Didn’t Want to Write This


I was asked to write this post a few months ago. I gladly accepted…and then…immediately forgot. Work got busy, things got in the way, and life just happened. When I was reminded a few days ago that I had committed to this, it could not have come at a worst time for me.

I tried to get out of this several times in the past few days. I tried to have others write instead of me, I tried to back out, and even pouted about being forced to write a devotional when I wasn’t ready to do so. So no, I didn’t want to write this, and here’s why.

In our lives there are times that we feel so close to God, times when we feel that the divide could not be greater, and times where we’re just stuck in the middle. I am currently at a place where I feel as though I’m stuck in the middle with God. I’m not at the highest mountain peak or in the lowest of valleys. Some may look at this as a good thing, but for me it’s horrible.

You see, we know what to do when things are awesome with God. We can feel His presence and hear His voice, we can sense His purpose for us each and every day.  

We also kind of know what to do when we are feeling separated from God. We may feel like we know what we need to do to feel that connection again. We know what verses to look up, what songs to listen to, and we know which people we should talk to. But what do you do when you’re stuck in the middle alone?

What do you do when you feel as though you can’t hear God’s voice? What do you do when you don’t know what to do, and your prayers seem as though they don’t reach his ears?

I’ve looked deep down in my soul for an answer to this question.

God is gracious enough, God is merciful enough, God is loving enough, and God is patient enough to understand each and every situation we go through. God is able to meet us where we are at any point in our lives.

So it’s true, I didn’t want to write this, but I needed to. Because our walk with God is not perfect, and things are not always clear. There will be days when you pray for God to help you want to pray. There will be times you don’t want to read your Bible. There will be times when you’re mad at God. There will be moments that you want to do your will instead of His. I think if we’re honest most of us have felt this way at one point or another. God is waiting for us to share even these thoughts and feelings with Him. I have learned throughout my journey as a Christian to become transparent with God. It has been amazing to stop hiding my true self from God. To admit to Him my deepest darkest thoughts and feelings, and to know that he still loves me regardless.

I wanted to do something perfect. I wanted to write a cookie cutter devotional to reach cookie cutter Christians. But that’s not us and that’s not God. He is constantly going above and beyond to reach us where we’re at and love us as we are. So, maybe you feel as though you are the closest you’ve been in your walk with God. Maybe you feel as though he’s so far away you don’t know which way to turn. Maybe you’re like me and feel stuck somewhere in between. Whatever the situation, don’t lose heart, don’t stop searching, don’t stop trying. Always remember that God is able to do beyond all we could ever ask or think. He sees you where you are, and will forever be chasing after you. That’s what makes God so good.

Even when we’re caught in the middle. 

Jessica Knight is a school counselor at an elementary school in Bridgman, Michigan.